The Real Deal

In an act to accept my body and appreciate it for all it has done for me, I have begun to not get dressed right after my shower. Yes, you read that correctly, I stand there in all my nakedness while applying my makeup and fixing my hair. Now before you all become afraid that I am going to join a nudist colony, let me assure you that event is not EVER going happen! I am sharing this information with you because while doing this a thought occurred to me, this is me. This is the real me, uncovered with scars, stretchmarks, a little extra stuffing here and there, but overall I see a 40 something body with beautiful womanly curves that is strong and healthy. I want to be that real in all areas of my life, however I want that to be with clothes on!

What I am saying is that my heart and inner most thoughts are only known by myself and Jesus. Sure those who are close to me can see my heart through knowing me, along with my words and actions. But when I mess up by saying the wrong thing or doing something that causes someone hurt, others can't always see that my intentions were not that at all.

I screw up, we are not perfect people and that is the way God created us. The last thing that I want to do is hurt someone's feelings, especially those I love, but I do. And all that I can do in those times are to go to that person to apologize and ask them for forgiveness, ask for God's forgiveness and to forgive myself.

I want to be secure enough in who God created me to be that I can be my real self and not feel like I have to pretend to be someone I am not for people to accept me. God accepts me and knew exactly what he was doing when he created me and formed me in my Mother's womb. I am fearfully and wonderfully made, he tells me so in Psalm 139:14.

I believe that we are all created for certain purposes and to fill specific needs. I can minister to people about growing up in a broken home, going through divorces myself and how that affected me and my children, the heartbreak of having a loved one struggle with addictions, the struggles of raising children as a single parent and as a married parent. There are so many others things that I have been through in my life that I feel I can use to bring God glory and show the victories that have happened in my life. I feel like we go through the struggles in our lives to teach us to lean on God first and then to use our testimonies and victories to minister to others.

If we didn't have struggles and had all the answers why would we need God? I believe that he wants us to need him, he wants us to lean on him and he wants to give us what we need. Matthew 11:28 "Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest".  It really doesn't do anyone any good to pretend that we don't have problems in our lives and areas that we struggle. I think that it is easier to share ourselves with others and be honest with what is going on with us than it is to try to keep things hidden and inside.

We can't form deep relationships if we are not being open and letting others see the real us. I don't want surface friendships, I want deep honest true friendships. I want to be transparent to everyone who knows me so that they can see my heart and see Jesus shines all through me. I feel that we should be real and show our failures and flaws and to be accepting of others as they show us theirs. Are there some that will judge us, yes, but God is bigger and so is the work that he created in us. Let's live on faith and trust that God knew what he was doing when he created us and be the women/men that he designed us to be. To live boldly and freely.

Three things that I want to be said about me after I leave this world are, "She was a good and faithful servant, she loved and she was the real deal".